Alma 36:17 "And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. (On June 6th 2014 While I was sitting in sacrament meeting, reflecting on my life. "How sinful" I thought, "I'll never be a missionary, I'll never get over what I have done. It's too hard, I've gone much too far". My soul was in agony, I tried so hard to think of something else so I could burry the pain I was feeling inside....that technic worked for a minute....but then Jake Black from the high council got up to give his talk, about the Saviors Atoning sacrifice.....how I matter to him, how Jesus loves the addict, the guy that looks at porn, or drinks, or smokes, the deranged that just can't seem to stop, no matter what I've done, I matter to my Savior, he understands me, he knows me...but most importantly, he forgives me. This moment brought me to tears, real tears, not over emotion, not somebody's looking at me so I better look intent, but real tears flowed down my cheeks, the spark of the Holy Ghost pierced my heart, and my heart softened...and I knew what needed to happen, I knew that God had spoken to me, and I knew what I had to do.
(Alma 36:18) "Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death." (After the sacrament meeting was over, I found myself walking up to The Bishop, who at the time looked like a very stern man, I had never met him before, I fact. It was my first day attending the new singles ward. I was standing there, thinking to myself "never mind, I can just go, it's no big deal, I cam carry on like I always have" at that moment, Bishop, stepping down from the stand holds out his hand and says "Hi I'm Bishop Perry, it's great to have you here" at that moment the words spilled out of my mouth "can I meet with you?" And he smiled and said, "I have been waiting to meet with you, get with my clerk." My heart began to pound, why on earth would I do that!..the whole week, I was dreading to visit with him, I thought "what If he excommunicates me, I am on my last straw with the lord, this isn't my first offense" my soul ached. But something took hold of my heart. It was peace in knowing that everything was going to be just fine, the pain would be gone, and I would be able to finally be at peace, oh how I worried how long that peace would last before I messed up again. Finally I get to the meeting....Bishop: C'mon in Jared, have a seat. Can we start with a prayer, will you offer that? Me: Sure, I uttered. I hadn't felt worthy to pray, so I said a few short sentences, asking for the spirit to guide the meeting, and then closed. Bishop: well, what can I do for you? Me: well, I want to be interviewed for the higher priesthood, I thought to myself "what did you just say Jared? You aren't worthy of that, now you're just digging a hole". Bishop: Okay great, now in order for you to obtain that, there needs to be a reason. What reasoning do you have? I mean your 19 right? Me: well. I feel that I need that priesthood back in my home. It's been gone for a while. "WHAT am I saying" I thought.. Bishop: Well, we can get you to that point. But I have a question for you, it's been on my mind since the start of this meeting. My heart sank, I thought he was going to bring up something he heard about me, or that my cover had been blown...he looked me dead in the eye, and with a soft spoken voice said "why aren't you on your mission yet son? What's holding you back from serving the lord?" My heart was pierced with a burning touch, everything had come to me, the goal I had as a boy was covered by the weaknesses and sins I had committed, I had lost track of this vision along time ago, no such phrase has ever hit me so hard in my life, I came to the realization after that question was asked, that my God had a plan for me, and it had been buried into my heart....I spilled, I told him my problem, I wasn't worthy, but instead of any past confession I had ever had previously, I had uttered in a soft toned voice, Bishop, I want to serve my God, but I NEED HELP in getting there. The humility was overwhelming, I felt as small as I had ever felt before, but It felt amazing to get the things that I carried so needlessly off my chest, I felt a warm comfort of submission, and I could care less if that outcome was losing my membership, because I felt that whatever the response was, it was of the lord. I thought to myself "now here comes the lecture, I'm so screwed" but he said this..."Well, my young friend, thank you for telling me that, I have another question, Do you believe that the Atonement works for you too?" I said, I don't know. "I feel like I've done too much, I feel that I'm not good enough, I feel behind, how will I ever reach that goal." He said: "everyone has the same struggle, they compare themselves with one another. But the lord is focused on you, he loves you, and he knows you" My eyes filled up with tears, I felt a peace. He loves me....., but not only that. I saw far ahead. I could see my future. It wasn't blocked anymore. "The Lord needs you on his side, and if you're willing, I'm going to stretch you. I want to give you a calling, and I want you to pray about what that calling is. Pray about a mission. I want to bring you to a new level, and we will get you on that mission, your mission president is waiting for you, and he is going to stretch you. He needs you to lead, he needs you to set the example for these young and immature missionaries. So, Are you with me?" I nodded my head. "I would assume you've lived a pretty rough life, parents are separated or divorced, no structure, things that made you grow up fast? This gave you the experience you need to help these missionaries out. You have a bright spirit, a special spirit about you, I see your potential, and I'm not the only one who has said that." He nailed it right on the head. I asked him if he had a file on me or something. He said no, I can just see right through you, I can see your potential. You have a special spirit about you. One that can be used to strengthen others lives. What did he mean....I thought I was doomed, but now he's saying I'm saved? That all is well? What? There is no way that's true, but the feeling is burning so deep inside of me, I feel so clean, I feel re-baptized. It must be true. The thing I was lacking was GRACE....the saviors grace.....it is sufficient. God will not allow me to drop forever, he has given me a chance to begin again, and again, as long as it takes, to get it right. He doesn't throw me away into outer darkness like satan wants me to believe, but his son, Jesus Christ, saved me from the depths of dis pare. I could see it, I could see what Bishop Perry was talking about....and for the first time in my life, I saw, a child of God....standing before this man....and learning the saviors love for me.....he gave me a blessing, to help me fight off the darts of the adversary, he proclaimed my destiny... that I was a warrior in heaven, to fight for the freedom of choice, and that I have come to this earth because the battle is not yet over, that the work is not yet done, that I am being built in these coming months, for the battle ground of the adversary, the front lines, to unchain those in the depths of hell. He blessed me that I would see their potential as a child of God, and see the goodness of their hearts, he blessed me with courage, to stand as a witness, and to fight the good fight. As I serve today, in the Missouri Independence mission, I see the divine strength of that blessing in my work as a servant of the lord. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the son of God, I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.
Alma 36:19 "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more."
Upon leaving his office I asked "so, should I take the sacrament?" He said, "yes." I was puzzled and he said "the savior forgives you, use that atonement to become pure again" and that point went to sacrament and after that, I could remember the pain of my sins no more.
Alma 36:20 "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"
I felt so good, I felt like singing! Rejoicing! I felt the redeeming love. The peace of which I so longed for was placed upon my soul.
21 "Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."
Alma 36:22 "Yea, methought I saw, even as our father Lehi saw, God sitting upon his throne, surrounded with numberless concourses of angels, in the attitude of singing and praising their God; yea, and my soul did long to be there." I remember dropping to my knees and praying to my God. Saying oh thank you, for this wonderful gift. Thank you for the atonement" and in that moment the nature of God was so well known in my heart.
Alma 36:23 "But behold, my limbs did receive their strength again, and I stood upon my feet, and did manifest unto the people that I had been born of God." I received strength time and time again, as I stood the next fast Sunday and bore solemn witness of the saviors redeeming love, how it changed my life.
Alma 36:24 Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost." The Holy Ghost burns within me. I feel the lord with me as I testify of the truth, I feel him speak through me. My mission is clear
Alma 36:25 Yea, and now behold, O my son, the Lord doth give me exceedingly great joy in the fruit of my labors;
Alma 36:26 "For because of the word which he has imparted unto me, behold, many have been born of God, and have tasted as I have tasted, and have seen eye to eye as I have seen; therefore they do know of these things of which I have spoken, as I do know; and the knowledge which I have is of God." I am now out on my mission, and I can honestly tell you that I have lost sight of my conversion story, until right now, when I was reading the book of Alma, 36:17-26. The story fit mine. And my soul began to rejoice. I had questioned the past few days as to why I'm here....I had fallen so needlessly into old habits that I had, the past 6 months have been hell....so, why am I here? It's just that. In Alma. I'm here because of the redeeming love the savior has for me.....I have tasted that love, time and time again....and I took the steps to the mission field because my heart rejoiced, I felt the healing power of the atonement, it tasted so sweet, I desired that others would feel that love.....that they may taste of it also. Helping others taste of it has a price that needs to be paid, that price is the rejection, the criticism, the persecution, it's knocking on 1,000 doors in hopes that 1 of them be saved. The desire of that taste, for another souls redemption, is the driving force behind missionary work. What are you willing to go through? What will you give up? How hard will you work? Are you willing to endured this sliver of affliction to understand salvation? As I sat with my mission president, he said exactly the same things Bishop Perry said....and I could feel the atonement clean my soul in that very moment.....I now write of my experience. As I sat their, and talked with president he reviewed the last conversation we had, we have these sheets we fill out ranking our obedience to the mission rules. He said "Elder Greenburg, this is outstanding, you have improved exceptionally well. I have one question for you, are you happy?" I said simply enough "No, president, the past 6 months have not been well, I have lost the vision of my purpose here, yes, I have been obedient. But I have endured much affliction, my purpose hasn't been kicked off right, my trainer went home early, I was put into a companionship with the zone leaders, and one of them went home early. I don't feel that I've had an ideal start to my mission. I feel more effective at home honestly....but the other day I read Alma 36. I read about the reborn spirit of Alma.....and I saw myself.....I flashed back to the redeeming power of the atonement In the office of my home Bishop....and like Alma, I have tasted the joy of this gospel, I felt the strength of the savior lift my spirit. And I desire that others may taste of the joy that I feel, by calling them to repentance. That's why I'm here. He said something to me that will forever stay with me. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "Elder Greenburg, many of missionary has said to me, in letter and in person, that you are an outstanding missionary. One of them being my assistants. They told me that i can rely on you to lead in this mission, that I don't need to worry. And I look at you, and I believe that. I can rely on you. You are a warrior of this gospel, you are here for a good purpose, and you will change many lives in your path. You are in the battle ground, Go forward in faith, and let the Lord continue to build you into the mighty man you need to be. My assistants are outstanding missionaries....and you have the potential to be just like them one day, if you will continue to serve the lord this day." My countenance changed, I felt happiness in knowing that the past 6 months have had a reason behind them. I never knew who I was impacting, I didn't know how much my actions could do that. God is all knowing, he is merciful, and he sends Angels to bare us up in the most challenging times. I know that my redeemer lives, and because he lives, I can press on. I have been redeemed, I have been made alive, I have wrestled with the adversary, and continue to beat it with the strength of my savior, I will not let down, I will not give in to my weaknesses, i will work and wear out my life in the service of my fellowman, I will not let my body control my spirit, but my spirit will take upon my body, and I will have control. I no longer wish do evil, but my goal is heaven, I will uplift, expound, exhort, and testify to these people until every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is the Christ. They will feel his love, they will know him, as I have known him. He is the Christ, the son of God. He has shaken off the weight of my weakness, and has shown me who my true intelligence is....the savior said "my honor gives me power". Lastly, I will honor my savior, and my eye is single to the glory of him, not for me.....but for him. I hope that one day, I will enter into his rest, and be on the right hand of God with those that I have saved, and I will see my savior, In his glory and meekness and I will know him, I will come forth like the people in the Americas in times of old and I will feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet, and I will thrust my hand into his side, and I will bow down before him, and my tears of gratitude will fall upon his feet, because he has saved my soul, so that I could have a chance to live again. This I so do testify.
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